the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
