I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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