Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
