Just cropdusted the office
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
