before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
