Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
