I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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