just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
