Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
