Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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