It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize
