nut hugger
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Randomize