So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
