She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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