He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
