So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
