i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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