alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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