yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Holy shit dude........stairs
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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