Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
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