I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
