The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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