I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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