you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
