I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
