I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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