get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Randomize
