I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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