you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Randomize
