I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
not ubering you a puppy
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
