apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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