i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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