Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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