I can tuck mytits in my pants
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
