census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
