dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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