the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Randomize
