boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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