I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
