READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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