Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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