Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
