so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
