Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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