i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
You did what with his pubic hair?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
