That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
