Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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