five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Green mimosas i think yes
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
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