there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
