Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
