Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
organizing the empties. That sober.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
