if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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