then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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