you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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