I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
