i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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