I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
