So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
