The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
