fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
