THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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