upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
