i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
