guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
