I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
