I think im going to throw up on grandma
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize