sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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