I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
