Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
